IT’S a funny thing, but becoming a parent forces you to give up on childish ideas of who the adult you might be.
Since having Sonny Jim I’ve realised that being a journalist in New York – living a Sex and the City style life – isn’t actually for me.
Since becoming a mummy I’ve known for certain that I’m never going to just jump on a plane and lose myself on a beach somewhere, working in bars by night so I can sleep in the sunshine all day.
The ship has sailed for me to suddenly become the girl with the signature red lipstick and envious eyeliner flicks. With a picture perfect city apartment.
I’m never going to grow out of being clumsy.
I’ve never been more happy in myself, but this transition from the idea of the grown up you, to the reality of it, is easier for some than others. Though no one ever seems to talk about it – instead we all seem to muddle through in our own ways, in our own little worlds.
We all have this expectation of who we are, who we will grow up to be. And suddenly, as a parent, you are the grown up. Even if you don’t feel it.
And even the type of parent you always thought you’d be, often isn’t the one you are.
To be frank, I thought I’d be a total Pinterest mama – yet it turns out that I’m more Amazon Prime.
I thought I’d be a controlled crying advocate. A prolonged breastfeeder. Up for and looking forward to returning to the office. Happy to leave the baby with the hordes of family we have that are so eager to babysit so I can enjoy nights out.
None of these things are my reality.
Motherhood has changed me and my whole life fundamentally. I’m Sonny Jim’s mummy, first and foremost. And although I’m not the grown up I may have imagined I’d be, it seems I’m the adult I was always meant to be.
This post was first published in the Echo newspaper on Friday, September 1 2017: www.echo-news.co.uk