Nine things NOT to say to someone struggling to have a baby

Katy Pearson, Sonny Jim, #whatkatydidUK
So worth the wait: Me and my Sonny Jim

Next week is National Fertility Awareness Week (#TalkFertility.) As someone who waited NINE years for her baby boy, it’s a cause close to home.

So, to mark it, here are nine things people who are struggling to have a baby really hate being told…

*Just relax… it’ll happen just as soon as you stop worrying about it.
Trust me, hearing this does not make you feel zen. At all.

*You’d be such a great mum/your husband will be such a great dad.
When you’re living with the fear you’ll never have children, this cuts. Deeply.

*It could be worse… you could have cancer.
Yes, generally things can always be worse. But this is kind of like comforting a person whose mother has just died by saying, it could be worse your mum and dad could have both died.

*I wish I found it harder to fall pregnant.
This – often accompanied by a rub of their pregnant belly/pat to their child’s head – is enough to make you literally howl.

*What’s the rush… you’ve got plenty of time.
Time that will pass in month after month after month of disappointment.

*I hated/hate being pregnant.
This is a like saying to a starving person, I hate food.

*You need to try eating quinoa/sex on a full moon/chewing Fenugreek seeds.
While we’re delighted you think you’ve worked out why we haven’t fallen pregnant when actual medical experts/invasive investigations have failed… you probably haven’t. So save it. And anyway, we’ve probably already tried it.

*You should adopt.
Maybe we should. Maybe we will. That doesn’t make anything better right now though.

*Babies are hard work you know.
Oh really? Well, now you’ve said that maybe we’ll give them a miss…

For more information on Fertility Awareness Week, go to

This post was first published in the Echo newspaper on Friday, October 27:

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.