Sonny Jim is still a good few months off the terrible twos yet, but it seems he’s starting early.

A tantrum in a café when I wouldn’t let him lay on the floor to watch the ceiling fan (honestly, the boy loves anything that spins) got me thinking that you know you’re a mama to a toddler when…

1 You think nothing of sticking a half-eaten banana in your coat pocket. And you only remember it’s there when you go to put another in.

2 The cold leftovers of your little one’s dinner? You totally eat them.

3 While you spent the first months of your tot’s life sterilising EVERYTHING, now you’re all about the five (make that 30) second rule.

4 You have said “no” and “oops” more times in a single day than you did in your entire pre-child life.

5 And statements like “don’t pull your willy, please” are uttered before 9am.

6 Having a wee is no longer a solo activity. Sometimes someone will even want to sit on your lap.

7 It is not uncommon to start your day with a tiny finger shoved up your nose/elbow in your eye/nappied butt “boomped” on your boob/belly/head.

8 You’re basically bi-lingual. You understand both English and toddler. You know that “gok, GOOOOOKK” actually means, “I thoroughly enjoy it when you turn the lights on and off mummy, please would you do it again for me?”

9 You get excited at the sight of a rubbish truck. And buses. Especially double-decker buses.

10 You are a master of multi-tasking/distraction tactics. You can feed your gone-off-food-entirely-today child with one hand, while making teddy dance with the other, while singing. While on the phone to an actual grown-up person.

11 Your deadpan face has never been more on point. It was actually very funny when the dog got splattered with dinner, but the little terror wielding the spoon totally doesn’t know that.

This feature was first published in the Echo newspaper on Friday, October 17, 2017: www.echo-news.co.uk