FRIENDS of ours have just had twin girls and seeing the pair of them, daughters in arms, and joy positively emanating out of photos, really took me back to Sonny Jim’s newborn days.

In some ways (clichéd as it sounds) it seems forever ago and yet I can’t believe that I have an almost two-year-old.

It got me thinking how it’s really easy to say the wrong thing to a new mum. When you’ve just had a baby, especially your first, the most insignificant observation can seem like a criticism. You’re pretty emotional, you’re SO tired and you’ve, quite frankly, NO idea what you’re doing. So, here’s my list of things you totally should not say to any new mamas in your life…

• • Is he a good baby?
    Well, he killed the cat last night… seriously what does this even mean? They all cry, poo, drink milk and sleep. Some more than others. There are no bad babies.
  • Are you feeding him?
    No, he’s living off air. What this is actually asking, is are you breastfeeding? And, honestly, why do you need to know? I desperately wanted to breastfeed Sonny Jim and he absolutely couldn’t do it. It was a bit rubbish.

• Don’t worry, you’ll shift the weight in no time.
  She might, or she might not. But she just birthed an actual new human. Let her eat the entire box of chocolates guilt-free for goodness sake. And give her a glass of wine too. Without raising an eyebrow.
• Enjoy every moment.
  The sentiment is nice. But the reality is she’s barely slept. She’s super sore. And she’ll have been up to her elbows in poo and puke. It’s okay to be finding it a little be rough!
• This is the easy bit. You wait till they’re two/five/13/18…
  She’s totally winging this bit. She does not need to know she’ll look back and miss the newborn bubble.