Do you ever hear yourself say something, and then have to laugh at the ridiculousness of what has just come out of your mouth?

I’ve found having a toddler, this happens more often than the pre-child me could ever have imagined possible.

I was pottering a bit in the garden the other day, with Sonny Jim. The weather has been so blooming dire that as soon as even the smallest ray of sunshine can be seen, I bung his wellies on and we’re outside.

Anyway, all was well, until I heard the unmistakable “yum, yum, yum” coming from my two-year-old.

He usually says this when he’s about to put something totally delicious (custard, Rich Tea biscuits, the dregs of his daddy’s coffee) in his mouth.

There was nothing outside that he should be eating.

I turned to see him holding a snail.

And so I said, “No darling, that snail is not a snack. Put him by the pegs, please.”

Which made me laugh to myself. And got me thinking about some of the other things I’ve uttered recently which I never imagined would come out of my mouth.

Here are some of the high (actually make that low) lights…

• Stay still so I can pick that boogie out of your nose
• We don’t lick buggy wheels, remember?
• Why are you whisking the dog’s tail?
• Please don’t lick the sofa
• Leave that willy alone
• It’s a potty not a hat. No, not a hat. Take the potty off your head!
• The tortoise isn’t a car. Stop pushing him.
• Stop banging the lightsabre on mummy’s head please.
• That’s enough kisses for the shark.
• I promise daddy isn’t in the toybox, he’s really not, look!

What have you found yourself saying to your child that has made you laugh? I’d love you to share them below…