Mummy guilt hit when he fell ill and I was working

Sonny Jim, Katy Pearson, #whatkatydidUK

Poorly pickle: My Sonny Jim

This week I got my first phone call from Sonny Jim’s preschool.

I was working, as ever trying to squeeze eight hours work into four, and as I hung up the phone it rang almost immediately.

I answered without even looking, to hear the voice of Sonny Jim’s key worker telling me that he was “fine, well not fine, but okay.”

It transpired that my little lad was rather out of sorts. When we’d got up that morning he had seemed slightly off colour, but I assumed it was the very last of his teeth cutting (honestly, it sometimes seems like he’ll be riding a bike before those very back ones come through!) I gave him a bit of Calpol, jollied him along and he went off to preschool in his usual fashion, “bye mummy, be back soon!”

But he’d gone rather downhill since I’d left.

And in that moment as they told me he was really not himself, that he was sad and saying “my tummy hurt, my bum hurt, my mouth hurt” that he wasn’t eating his snack and he was very hot, I got all the pangs of mummy guilt.

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Mummying and sickness is a tough combination

Katy Pearson, Sonny Jim

Cuddling it better: Better than any medicine

One of Sonny Jim’s newest phrases is “mummy, lay DOWN. Poor tummy. Poor mummy.”

He’s started doing this ever since I was rushed to Southend hospital just before Christmas with suspected gallstones.

Though I managed to get him tucked up in bed before the ambulance came (and he had no idea his auntie Bear – my sister – spent most of the night on the sofa while I lay was prodded and poked and tested for hours by doctors) he has witnessed me spending a fair bit of time feeling utterly pathetic on the sofa.

And though I’m still not right (we’ve got no proper diagnosis despite the brilliant consultants and the dozens of tests) it has made me realise a few things.

Firstly, that it is possible to be sick and smile at the same time so as you don’t frighten your little one.

Secondly, that even when you feel awful (honestly, the pain at one point was worse than child birth) once you’re a mummy you are ALAWYS a mummy. Your needs still come second to making sure your child is okay. You don’t get to switch off the worry, even when people say you should.

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I’m with Beckham when it comes to kissing…

Kissing, children, Katy Pearson, Sonny Jim

Peck them like Beckham: Me and my boy

Parenting, it seems, is a pursuit that everyone has an opinion on – and no one is shy about sharing those opinions.

From breast-feeding or bottle feeding, crying it out or cuddling to sleep, cots or co-sleeping, smacking or naughty stepping, nursery or nanny, every stage of parenthood, so it feels, brings with it another should or shouldn’t.

And it turns out that even one of the world’s most famous men – David Beckham – isn’t immune to the circling vultures of criticism.

What’s surprising though, is the part of his parenting that he’s been hugely trolled for online.

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Armistice Day is different now I have a little boy

Katy Pearson, Sonny Jim, Canvey Island

Lest we forget: My boy and me

Sometimes the ways in which motherhood changes you as a person are big.

You give up sleeping. You don’t get to go to the loo on you own. Your jeans never fit in quite the same way again.

And sometimes the changes are slight, subtle, barely discernible, even to yourself.
I had one of those moments on Remembrance Sunday.

I took Sonny Jim over to the service at the Paddocks, Canvey. His grandma is one of the island’s reverends, it’s where I grew up and I sometimes feel the pull of home when certain occasions come around (Christingle is one. Mothering Sunday another.)

And as I sat (thank you to the lovely lady who saw me standing with my almost-3st-slightly-scared-of-crowds-tot in my arms!) I felt a chill that had absolutely nothing to do with the bright, sunny morning.

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Why I hate soft play…

soft play, ball pit, Sonny Jim, Katy Pearson

Soft play session: Sonny Jim and pal

I’ve been pretty good at avoiding soft play. Particularly – and especially – during school holidays.

But the other week, I capitulated. And Dante’s circles of hell have nothing on these padded-cell like death traps as far as I’m concerned.

I understand to the uninitiated, this probably seems unreasonable. What could be better for parents than indoor wonder worlds of mazes, slides and ball pits? So, consider this my attempt to enlighten you. Here’s exactly why I hate soft play centres…

1 Other people’s kids: You’d think no parent would want to be the one with feral kids. You’d think wrong on this. I don’t know what happens, but when kids get inside these centres they turn faster than a Mogwai in rain. Continue reading

Preschool has left me an emotional wreck!

preschool, Katy Pearson, Sonny Jim

First day: Off we go to pre-school

So, last week was the week.

The week I’ve been dreading. The week I’ve gotten tearful about more times than I’d like to admit. The week I’ve been so tempted to push back. To put off. To ignore until I can’t ignore it any more.

Last week, Sonny Jim started pre-school.

It was only two mornings. A grand total of six hours. But it has left me something of an emotional wreck.

On his first morning, I was stunned in the best way, when my rather shy boy shed not one single tear when I left. Simply gave me a kiss, a big wave and a reminder to be “back soon mama.”

It didn’t last.

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He’s ready for pre-school… but I’m not sure I am!

Sonny Jim, Katy Pearson, Pre-school

Big step: Pre-school starts this week

This week Sonny Jim is going to start pre-school.

He’s almost two and a half, it’s only for two mornings a week and it’ll do my rather shy little lad the world of good.

But, however I dress it up, for me it’s a big HUGE (I’m channelling Julia Roberts here) thing.

It’s my boy’s first real steps of independence. Of venturing out into the world without mummy (or daddy) there to hold his hand. It basically marks the end of his babyhood.

And although I think he’s so ready for it – I’m not sure I am.

In this respect, I don’t think it makes any difference what age your little one first starts nursery/pre-school/school – it’s still a wrench.

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